A Success in the Place of Great Testing

So, today we visited the place of great testing.... WalMart.  Nothing like shopping with your kids to really find out what mood you are in.  And today's visit was extra trying.  For one, we had just finished shopping at Sam's Club, so we already had an hour of constant "can I have... can we get... daddy, I really like..."  Also, one of Rachel's friends was with us, someone who is completely not used to our family dynamic.

So we're about an hour into our WalMart shopping, and the problem occurs.  You know, THE PROBLEM.  I think every family that shops together has it - the moment when your children absolutely dig in and won't budge.  I tried to reason with them, they ignored me.  I suggested acceptable alternatives, they refused them all.  I attempted to explain the cost of what they were suggesting, they didn't care.  They simply dug in.  And I started to get mad.  I could sugar-coat it and say "I was frustrated," but let's call it like it is... I was mad.  And then, something strange happened.  I totally dropped my normal engineering mindset.  It must have been a God thing.

For those who are not engineers (or not married to one), let me explain.  Give an engineer a problem, they begin to develop a solution.  For a strong single-tasker like me, finding the solution becomes all-consuming.  All Consuming.  ALL CONSUMING.  If I go to bed while thinking about a problem, I will not be able to go to sleep until I have come up with a solution.  Even if I appear to be doing something else, I am frequently only going through the motions while my mind works on the problem.  All consuming.  A-L-L spells ALL.  Get the picture?

So, what did I do that was so revolutionary?  I decided to skip the problem-solving process entirely.  In a relatively calm voice, I told the girls that the decision-making had become too difficult, and that we were going to put everything back and make our choice some other time.  I still felt angry, but I did not unleash it.  More importantly, I suspended the problem-solving process entirely.  No long, heated discussions that later make me think I brow-beat my kids into submission; no fussing, crying, whiny kids who blubber all the way to the check-out line in hopes of wearing down my resolve.  Problem... not solved, but eliminated.  

"But all you did was put it off," you say.  Well, yes and no.  Yes, I did put off that particular purchase, and it cannot be put off forever - it is one of those things that I will have to go back to.  A solution must be found.  However, I will be able to go back to it in a more controlled manner.  When we go back, we will not have a guest with us.  I am also planning to set a budget before I go - before today's visit, I really didn't have a good idea of what the relative costs were, but now I do.  I will probably take them to the store one at a time also, just to stack the deck a little more in my favor.

All in all, I feel pretty good about this one.  You see, Monday Morning Parenting moments don't have to mean that you blew it.  It's also possible to look back and decide that you handled things well.  Then you can flag that play in the playbook so that you remember it later in a similar situation.  Game improved!